Republican Candidates and Cycling

I've been wondering about how the election of any of the current Republican Candidates for President would affect cycling in the following four years. None of them stand out as being supporters of our sport.

Mitt Romney: His only adult exposure to cycling was while in France as a LDS missionary. Apparantly he hated it and thinks of cycling as something only poor or foreign people do who can't afford a car. He will probably do what he can to 'save' us from having to cycle at all. - Score 2 stars out of 5.

Rick Santorum: I don't think Rick cares much about anything except what other people are doing with their genitals. He may have heard that excessive cycling can cause Erectile Dysfunction which he would consider to be a form of contraception so he would probably try to make cycling illegal. He would certainly fight any attempt to force the Catholic church to allow their employees to cycle to work. Score 1 star out of 5.

Ron Paul: Ron is the only Republican candidate that regularly cycles. I hear he's quite a strong rider. However, as bike paths are created and maintained by Government (note the capital G) and Ron believes government should be as small as possible, I suspect he would happily eliminate all Parks and Recreation departments so we would be forced to ride on the roads. But as roads are created and maintained by CalTrans, WaDot, etc, we would soon not have any roads either. Perhaps if we all created and maintained our own mountain biking trails we could ride our mountain bikes on them and there would be no park rangers (Ron will fire them all) to tell us where we can and cannot ride. Score 3 stars out of 5.

Newt Gingrich: Newt only cares about getting money, power, and fame for Newt. I don't see any way he can personally get money or power out of supporting cycling, but if we name all the bike trails "The Newt Gingrich Bike Trail" he might support them. It'd be a bit confusing though. I hear there are plans to build a bike trail as part of his new moon colony. Unfortunately it'll be outside the dome. Score 2 stars out of 5.

The lukewarm winner is Ron Paul.